Doctor vs Lawyer Prank - who is most clever? - Pakistan - India - UAE - KSA - USA - UKSee also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes. Joke A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office? The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer. Vote: share joke Joke has
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Doctor and lawyer dating joke
You put that lawyer in a beautiful estate home and I, spiritual leader of terra-firma, end up with this dive? We're putting you here with them so you guys can get your dogma together. That other guy gets an estate, because he's the first lawyer to make it up here!! Peter is listing his sins: 1 Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty.
And the list goes on for quite awhile. The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, "Wait, I've done some charity in my life also.
Peter looks in his book and says, "Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct? Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, "Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell.
The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. Here's a guinea; go and bury 20 more of them. A lawyer and a physician had a dispute over precedence. They referred it to Diogenes, who gave it in favor of the lawyer as follows: "Let the thief go first, and the executioner follow. Later that day, Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
What do you want to have him arrested for? Definition of a lawyer: a man who helps you get what's coming to him.
Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave? These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean.
After 37 hours in the air, George says, "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are". Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover. George says, "I still can't tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground". So Harry yells down to the man, "Hey, could you tell us where we are? And the man on the ground yells back, "You're in a balloon, feet up in the air". George turns to Harry and says, "That man must be a lawyer".
And Harry says, "How can you tell? That's the end of the Joke, but for you people who are still worried about George and Harry: They end up in the drink, and make the front page of the New York Times: "Balloonists Soaked by Lawyer". Coyote, Plaintiff vs. Acme Company, Defendant Opening statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote: My client, Mr. Wile E.
Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hearby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district, and territory.
Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions, he has purchased of the Acme Company hereinafter, "Defendant"through that company's mail order department, certain products which did cause him bodily injury due to defects in manufacture or improper cautionary labelling. Sales slips made out to Mr. Coyote as proof of purchase are at present in the possession of the Court, marked Exhibit A. Such injuries sustained by Mr.
Coyote have temporarily restricted his ability to make a living in the profession of predator. Coyote is self-employed and thus not eligible for Workmen's Compensation. The intention of Mr. Coyote was to use the Rocket sled to aid him in pursuit of his prey.
Upon receipt of the Rocket Sled, Mr. Coyote removed it from its wooden shipping crate and sighting his prey in the distance, activated the ignition. As Mr. Coyote gripped the handlebars, the Rocket Sled accelerated with such sudden and precipitate force as to stretch Mr.
Coyote's forelimbs to a length of fifteen feet. Subsequently, the rest of Mr. Coyote's body shot forward with a violent jolt, causing severe strain to his back and neck and placing him unexpectedly astride the Rocket Sled. Disappearing over the horizon at such speed as to leave a diminishing jet trail along its path, the Rocket Sled soon brought Mr.
Coyote abreast of his prey. At that moment, the animal he was pursuing veered sharply to the right. Coyote vigorously attempted to follow this maneuver but was unable to, due to poor design and engineering on the Rocket Sled and a faulty or nonexistent steering system.
Shortly thereafter, the unchecked progress of the Rocket Sled led it and Mr. Coyote into collision with the side of a mesa. Ernst Grosscup, M. Coyote as a result of this collision. Repair of the injuries required a full bandage around the head excluding the earsa neck brace, and full or partial casts on all four legs. Hampered by these injuries, Mr. Coyote was nevertheless obliged to support himself. With this in mind, he purchased of Defendant as an aid to mobility one pair of Acme Rocket Skates.
When he attempted to use this product, however, he became involved in an accident remarkably similar to that which occurred with the Rocket Sled. Again, Defendant sold over the counter, without caveat, a product which attached powerful jet engines in this case, two to inadequate vehicles, with little or no provision for passenger safety. Encumbered by his heavy casts, Mr. Coyote lost control of the Rocket Skates soon after strapping them on, and collided with a roadside billboard so violently as to leave a hole in the shape of his full silhouette.
Coyote states that on occasions too numerous to list in this document he has suffered mishaps with explosives purchased of Defendant: the Acme "Little Giant" Firecracker, the Acme Self-Guided Aerial Bomb, etc. Indeed, it is safe to say that not once has an explosive purchased of Defendant by Mr. Coyote performed in an expected manner.
To cite just one example: At the expense of much time and personal effort, Mr. Coyote constructed around the outer rim of a butte a wooden trough beginning at the top of the butte and spiralling downward around it to some few feet above a black X painted on the desert floor.
The trough was designed in such a way that a spherical explosive of the type sold by Defendant would roll easily and swiftly down to the point of detonation indicated by the X. Coyote placed a generous pile of birdseed directly on the X, and then, carrying the spherical Acme Bomb Catalog 78 climbed to the top of the butte. Coyote's prey, seeing the birdseed, approached, and Mr. Coyote proceeded to light the fuse.
In an instant, the fuse burned down to the stem, causing the bomb to detonate. In addition to reducing all Mr. Coyote's careful preparations to naught, the premature detonation of Defendant's product resulted in the following disfigurements to Mr. Coyote: Severe singeing of the hair on the head, neck, and muzzle. Sooty discoloration.
Fracture of the left ear at the stem, causing the ear to dangle in the aftershock with a creaking noise. Full or partial combustion of whiskers, producing kinking, frazzling, and ashy disintegration. Radical widening of the eyes, due to brow and lid charring.
We come now to the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes. The remains of a pair of these purchased by Mr. Coyote on June 23rd are Plaintiff's Exhibit D.
Selected fragments have been shipped to the metallurgical laboratories of the University of California at Santa Barbara for analysis, but to date, no explanation has been found for this product's sudden and extreme malfunction. As advertised by Defendant, this product is simplicity itself: two wood-and- metal sandals, each attached to milled-steel springs of high tensile strength and compressed in a tightly coiled position by a cocking device with a lanyard release.
Coyote believed that this product would enable him to pounce upon his prey in the initial moments of the chase, when swift reflexes are at a premium. To increase the shoes' thrusting power still further, Mr. Coyote affixed them by their bottoms to the side of a large boulder. Adjacent to the boulder was a path which Mr. Coyote's prey was known to frequent. Coyote put his hind feet in the wood-and-metal sandals and crouched in readiness, his right forepaw holding firmly to the lanyard release.
Within a short time, Mr. Coyote's prey did indeed appear on the path coming toward him. Unsuspecting, the prey stopped near Mr. Coyote, well within range of the springs at full extension. Coyote gauged the distance with care and proceeded to pull the lanyard release. At this point, Defendant's product should have thrust Mr. Coyote forward and away from the boulder. As the intended prey looked on unharmed, Mr. Coyote hung suspended in the air.
Then the twin springs recoiled, bringing Mr. Coyote to a violent feet-first collision with the boulder, the full weight of his head and forequarters falling upon his lower extremities. The force of this impact then caused the springs to rebound, whereupon Mr. Coyote was thrust skyward.
A second recoil and collision followed. The boulder, meanwhile, which was roughly ovoid in shape, had begun to bounce down a hillside, the coiling and recoiling of the springs adding to its velocity. At each bounce, Mr. Coyote came into contact with the boulder, or the boulder came into contact with Mr. Coyote, or both came into contact with the ground. As the grade was a long one, this process continued for some time.
The sequence of collisions resulted in systemic physical damage to Mr. Coyote, viz, flattening of the cranium, sideways displacement of the tongue, reduction of length of legs and upper body, and compression of vertebrae from base of tail to head.
Lawyer and Doctor at a Party
Repetition of blows along a vertical axis produced a series of regular horizontal folds in Mr. Coyote's body tissues, a rare and painful condition which caused Mr. Coyote to expand upward and contract downward alternately as he walked, and to emit an offkey, accordion-like wheezing with every step. The distracting and embarrassing nature of this symptom has been a major impediment to Mr. Coyote's pursuit of a normal social life.
As the court is no doubt aware, Defendant has a virtual monopoly of manufacture and sale of goods required by Mr. Coyote's work. It is our contention that Defendant has used its market advantage to the detriment of the consumer of such specialized products as itching powder, giant kites, Burmese tiger traps, anvils, and two-hundred-foot-long rubber bands.
Much as he has come to mistrust Defendant's products, Mr. Coyote has no other domestic source of supply to which to turn. One can only wonder what our trading partners in Western Europe and Japan would make of such a situation, where a giant company is allowed to victimize the consumer in the most reckless and wrongful manner over and over again. Coyote respectfully requests that the Court regard these larger economic implications and assess punitive damages in the amount of seventeen million dollars.
In addition, Mr. Coyote seeks actual damages missed meals, medical expenses, days lost from professional occupation of one million dollars; general damages mental suffering, injury to reputation of twenty million dollars; and attorney's fees of seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars. By awarding Mr. Coyote the full amount, this Court will censure Defendant, its directors, officers, shareholders, successors, and assigns, in the only language they understand, and reaffirm the right of the individual predator to equal protection under the law.
Lawyers are the only profession where the more there are, the more are needed! Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan's well-oiled economic machine. It's only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail. What could cause such a sharp turnaround?
High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it's something much more economically debilitating - and permanent. Three American lawyers have become the first foreign attorneys permitted to practice law in Japan.
What's more, two of them are from New York! The decline has begun. Japan has one attorney for every 10, residents, compared to the U. For every attorneys trained in Japan, there are 1, engineers. In the United States, that ratio is reversed.
But a law that became effective on April 1 permits foreigners to practice in Japan for the first time since Already, an additional 20 American and six British lawyers have applied for permission to open practices in Japan. If anything can slow the Japanese economy, it's the presence of American attorneys. What better way to even our balance of trade than to send Japan our costliest surplus commodity?
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?
After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. However, I could put "here lies an honest lawyer. There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of the law. No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.
There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge. I'll never discuss my lawyer's character in his absence, so let's discuss his absence of character!Life of a Law Student - cosysealinsulation.com
For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income. At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?
During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for Offensive jokes are fine as long as they are still jokes. At the funeral of a lady was her doctor, a friend and her lawyer. . of California at Santa Barbara for analysis, but to date, no explanation has been found for this. A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was Click (R) to generate a random joke from that category. jokes Dating (4) (R ).
First, we found that lawyers are far more plentiful. Second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them. Third, lawyers multiply faster in numbers, Fourth, animal rights groups will not object to their torture. And fifth, there are some things even a rat won't do. There is a drawback however; sometimes it's very hard to extrapolate the test results to human beings" Why do behavioral scientists prefer lawyers to rats for their experiments?
There are more of the lawyers to work with, lab assistants are less likely to feel sympathy for them, they multiply faster, animal rights groups will not object to their torture, and there are some things even a rat won't do. A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Each summer, the lawyer would invite a different friend of his to spend a week or two up at this place, which happened to be in a backwoods section of Maine.
On one particular occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him. The friend, eager to get a freebee off a lawyer, agreed. Well, they had a splendid time in the country, rising early and living in the great outdoors. Early one morning, the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian companion went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears, a male and a female.
The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole. The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast has he could, and got the local backwoods sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer.
Sure enough, the two bears were still there. He just had to save his friend. The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and shot the female. The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack; pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you can find vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukrainia.
And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away All the others are quite impressed. The Cuban takes a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas, nowhere in the world there is so many and so good cigar and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away Saying that, he throws the pack of havanas through the window.
One more time, everybody is quite impressed. At this time, the American just stands up, opens the window, and throws the Lawyer through it A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner? Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today. A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the country when their car expired.
They set out to find help, and came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door, the farmer explained that he had only two beds, and one of the three had to sleep in the barn with the animals. The three quickly agreed. The Rabbi said he would sleep in the barn and let the other two have the beds.
Ten minutes after the Rabbi left, there was a knock on the bedroom door. The Rabbi entered exclaiming, "I can't sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there. It's against my religion to sleep in the same room with a pig! However, about five minutes later, the Hindu burst through the bedroom door saying, "There's a cow in the barn! I can't sleep in the same room as a cow! It's against my religion! Two minutes later, the bedroom door burst open and the pig and the cow entered The Lawyer's Motto: "Insofar as manifestations of functional deficiencies are agreed by any and all concerned parties to be imperceivable, and are so stipulated, it is incumbent upon said heretofore mentioned parties to exercise the deferment of otherwise pertinent maintenance procedures.
Each of them brings along his hunting dog, and they spend most of the morning arguing about which of the dogs is the smartest. Early in the afternoon, they discover a clearing in the forest. In the middle of the clearing is a large pile of animal bones. Seeing the bones, the doctor turns to the others and says, "I'm going to prove to you two that my dog is the smartest.
Watch this! See the bones? Go get 'em! The engineer, however, is totally unimpressed. Get the bones! It even has a little French flag waving at the top. The doctor is forced to agree that the engineer's dog is, in fact, smarter than his own. The lawyer, however, is still not impressed. Two lawyers made a date to have lunch together. Didn't you see it in the road? Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited.
If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within yards of BMW dealerships. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.
Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
Bag Limits 1. Yellow Bellied Sidewinder 2 2. Two-faced Tort Feasor 1 3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator 4 4.
doctor + lawyer Jokes for Toastmasters Lawyer Quotes, Lawyer Humor, .. Boy went on his First Date but then she said something First Date Meme, First. A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The toughest part of dating a doctor would be how they're always 45 mins late for dates because the 7 dates they had before yours went long.
Big-mouthed Pub Gut 2 5. Cut-throat 2 7. Back-stabbing Whiner 2 8. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser 2 9. It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets. A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?
One was pulling the cow by the tail; the other was pulling on the horns. Underneath was a lawyer milking the cow. If you laid all of the lawyers in the world, end to end, on the equator, it would be a good idea to just leave them there. There was a young man shipwrecked on an island. Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail.
Lawyer Jokes. What do What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? There are .. At the funeral of a lady was her doctor, a friend and her lawyer. Two lawyers made a date to have lunch together. Joke # A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the. A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor.
He makes all the sick people better. Teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do? More jokes about: daddoctorlawyerlittle Johnnyteacher. Q: Why is it that so many lawyers have broken noses? A: From chasing parked ambulances. More jokes about: healthlawyermedicalstupid.
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea. The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it? He asked, "Does it hurt you? The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?
Where do you think lawyers come from? More jokes about: doctorhusbandlawyersex. A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds. A police chief, a fire chief, and a city attorney were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city.
Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse. The farmer welcomed them in but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn. Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse.
The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig.
The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief. A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow that started the Chicago fire, and that every time he started to go to sleep, he started to have a fireman's worst nightmare, that of burning to death. The city attorney, in desperation for sleep, then agreed to sleep in the barn. This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes later, when another knock was heard at the door.
When the occupants answered the door, there stood the very indignant cows and pigs. More jokes about: carcoplawyerpartytime. A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis.